Posts tagged ‘health’

January 5th, 2012

oh how big

the other day I was ironing…

or maybe I was folding laundry…

using the toilet?

I don’t remember what I was doing to be honest. I just remember that after listening to Ginny’s babbling from the other side of the room, her babbling turned to complaining, and then she started complaining a little bit louder. When I went to look for her… I realized she had scooted under the bed.

lol.

Like any good mother I checked that she was not in any real danger, and then I ran to grab the camera.

She’s getting so big. It’s crazy.

 

Yesterday I found myself sitting in a doctor’s office with an EKG machine attached to my body.

I thought I was having a heart attack. No joke. I thought I was dying. My chest felt tight, my back hurt, my arms were tingly. It had happened Thursday before we left for New Jersery/New Years. I thought I was dying and all I wanted to do was sit in my rocking chair. Then while driving to NJ I was driving and had to pull over. If something happened I didn’t want to be in a car accident at the same time. So Tuesday evening the pain returned.  I texted my husband to let him know – and he rushed home.

I was scared to hold Ginny, because I didn’t want to drop her if I passed out.

So when B-man got home from work we went to the doctor.

I explained my symptoms, the doctor did some poking and prodding. She listened to my chest, too my blood pressure several times, and asked several questions about my daily routine. My blood pressure was normal. Perfectly normal.

Then they went on to take 3 vials of blood, and do an EKG. Less than an hour later I had my diagnosis: I wasn’t having a heart attack.

Oh good.

The doctor seemed to imply that it is bone/muscle stress… possibly caused by holding my baby too much.

lol.

So she sent me home with instructions to try and relax, take some ibprofin, and to come back in a week if I have any more “episodes”.

Today I really tried to tune in to my body. Trying to figure out if the pain is actually in my breast bone, and not my “chest”. I also spent a good amount of time trying to comfort Ginny in whatever position she was in, instead of picking her up. It wasn’t as fun, because I do love holding her and toting her around – but no searing pains this evening.

Maybe I need a new nursing chair? lol. Did I tell you about the time I broke down crying in a Babies ‘r’ Us over a nursing chair? I told B-man he could get me this nice rocker for Christmas next year because it would be really nice for nursing in and he says “You won’t be nursing next Christmas.” Maybe this is something other people realized, but I hadn’t considered the end of this special connection I share with her right now. I literally started crying in the middle of the store.

So to recap:

  • I let Ginny get stuck under the bed.
  • I thought I was having a heart attack but I wasn’t.
  • I cried in Babies R’ Us over weaning.

Seriously… I haven’t even began to think about weaning. Well… a little bit… because she has started pinching me. But I love the connection I feel with her so much, I can’t imagine not having that. I know it will end eventually – but it was so important for us on the bonding front.

 

Coming soon: Christmas pictures!

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March 21st, 2011

pregnancy freak outs/worries about depression

I was a crazy person before I was pregnant. Seriously. I can joke about it because I know that my emotions are always changing, and some times are good, and some times are bad – and I have to take the good with the bad.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety for many years, and I was really worried that being pregnant would bring out the worst in me. I have taken anti-depressants in the past, and I was really worried that with my hormones all out of whack I would end up needing them again. From this point I have two thoughts:

  1. If I required some sort of medication while pregnant, I would be in big trouble. When I was first diagnosed I tried many different anti-depressants (ADs). It took over a year to find the one that worked best for me. But I recently learned that the pill I have turned to in the past is actually really bad to use during pregnancy, and it causes severe brain defects. If I were to need ADs, I wouldn’t be able to take them, and I don’t want to be testing out new medicines right now.
  2. But I don’t need them. I don’t feel overly stressed, or overly anxious, or anything! This is incredible to me. While I have read that pregnancy can be like constant PMSing for some women – I feel more normal, and more down to earth that I ever have!

It is a beautiful feeling… the majority of the time. On occasion I do have little freak outs. Thursday was one of those days. My husband mentioned a work situation that is… less than optimal. (It involves being in Hawaii for the month leading up to my due date). This really put me over the edge. I was stressed all day long. I cried in the car on the way to work. I made it through the first half of my work day, cried at lunch, fought with B-man when I called to say I was on my way home, and then I was whiny for the rest of the day. We worked things out. Everything is fine in marriage land.

Unfortunately, it means that my poor husband takes the brunt of my emotions some times… and any unfortunate by standers (like my sister in law, or any one who is brave enough to talk with me).

But I feel like having an off day every now and then is normal though. Right? I worry that having a bad day some times means that my hormones are about to freak out and send me into a spiraling depression. It’s not something I am eager to experience again.

I have two mottos. It could always be worse. and Things will get better.

 

What do you tell yourself when you have a bad day?

 

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December 17th, 2010

Obesity & Pregnancy

Originally written: November 6, 2010 – Obesity & Pregnancy

Honestly – I am really scared. I had really hoped to lose more weight before getting pregnant. I mean really – I am obese. I am working out more, and I feel better than I have in the past, but over the past few months I have seen little change in that number on the scale. So now my biggest fear is gaining more weight! I know it’s expected and even healthy to gain some weight when you’re pregnant, but I have been reading and it is suggested that for my BMI I only gain 10 – 20 pounds. While even that sounds like a lot – it is a lot more managable than the 30+ pounds that most women gain.

Like I talked about before – I am being very conscious about what I eat. I am interested in discussing this with at my first Dr. appointment as well. I have been doing a lot of reading, and some research says that, depending on how’s a pregnant woman’s diet changes – she may not need to gain any weight at all. Especially when the diet is changing from high calories, “unhealthy” foods to healthier, more filling foods. [source]

The research encouraged women to not only follow a personalized “diet” (and that is in quotes because it’s not the “lose weight fast” version of the word, rather, the “everything you eat is your diet” form of the word.) – and the women kept a detailed food log. I like that the research did not focus on calories or numbers, rather – it focused on building good behavioral techniques to eating healthier.

Before becoming pregnant I was asked on a monthly basis if I was pregnant. I dreaded the question, and sometimes – to strangers – I would lie and say yes. Just to save myself the embarrassment. But now I am. And the answer to the question is “yes” but I am not nearly as far along as most people would expect me to be. But I still dread the question. Don’t get me wrong – I am very excited about having a baby. But I am also scared about how my own health will influence my baby. I had been preparing, trying, and improving, and all I can do is keep trying.

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July 4th, 2010

Insomnia.

No, I don’t have a diagnosed case.

But I mean… I have before.

Ladies and Gents, it is AFTER 5 in the morning. No, I am not being extremely productive and waking up at the afore mentioned hour. I just haven’t gone to bed yet.

Why, you ask?

…

Isn’t it obvious? No? I have no idea. My back is aching. Almost as bad as the day I hurt it 3 weeks ago. But, the little dog is being snuggly, so maybe he can convince me.

Ha! Now that I look… BOTH of the dogs are sleeping.

No more watching TV for me. The problem with the TV is not that it keeps me up, but that it puts me asleep mid-day. Yeah… I took like a three hour nap today, even though I didn’t wake up until it was practically afternoon.

I need my husband to bring this nonsensical awakening to an end.

Oh… and I’ve been stressed. My doctor told me that my anxiety triggers my depression, which keeps me awake.

You mean that explains every thing? Go figure.

Sorry for posting twice. I know, I haven’t posted twice yet. This is post number uno. Later… in about 5 hours… there will be another post. A post I’m kind of excited about. I pre-scheduled a post! For a Sunday. This is weird. What is my life coming to?

My brain, dear friends, has turned to mush. Thankfully I bought a new shampoo, so at least I have great hair. You don’t believe me? Well… I do have great hair, but I don’t have great clothes, or make-up good enough to make the purple bags under my eyes disappear… so you will have to just imagine my great hair.

I’m not going to go back and read that, but I’m sure it doesn’t make sense.

Good morning!!!!

PS: My neighbor apparently gets up at 5. And her sink faces my office. So for a while, I thought she was just staring at me. Creeepy!

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May 11th, 2010

Tomorrow is hump day.

I’m really disappointed in myself right now. Why? Because unlike some people, I am just really bad a following through.

What the crazy-heck am I talking about? Well, weight really. It’s one of my biggest struggles. Not only is my weight unhealthy, but to be honest, I am starting to realize that my perception of myself is really unhealthy as well. My goals are often unrealistic, and I am generally setting myself up for failure.

I so desperately want to be skinny. And even if I say it’s because I want to be healthy (which is true) often times my biggest motivation is when I look in the mirror and think about how much I really just hate myself. I’m not talking about a simple “I’m fat.” comment, but I really tend to rip on myself. In all aspects of my life really. I am my own worst critic. I find myself repulsive, and I am not even motivated enough to do anything about it.

In one month I lost 10 pounds. And then I gave up. Because it took too much of my time, too much effort. I got sick again. I didn’t feel like cooking. Currently I feel really motivated to go to the gym and just pump out an amazing work-out, but I can’t. It’s late. I’m going to work at 8:00 in the morning. I need to get to sleep because I’ve been so *&#@% tired the last ten days. I wake up tired, and I go to sleep tired. I know it’s because I’m sick, but it is so frustrating and depressing.

I realize this is two negative posts in a row. But I will get better. Some times people have bad days. Or bad weeks. I’ve been known to have bad months and years too. I guess the important thing is picking up where you left off, and moving on.  I just don’t know how to stay motivated. My husband won’t complain to me, especially when I’m feeling sick. So he just gives in and we go back to our bad eating habits, and our bad spending habits. Hello people, I was overweight when I got married, and then I gained 30 pounds. I feel disgusting.

Watching the biggest loser does this to me. Because I’m one of those people who would need to work out for 6-8 hours a day for 6 months to even feel comfortable with who I am, but who has time for that?!

Another thing bothering me is that B-man and I are seriously discussing our future reality: having a baby. And you know what? I’m not healthy enough. I need to be healthier. I need to lose weight. I can’t bring another human being into this world with the way I am living and the way I feel right now. Something needs to change, but I’m just not exactly sure what that “something” is.

Ok – I promise. No more depressing posts (at least for a week or so!).

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December 7th, 2009

Welcome Home, motivation!

I really like blogging. But blogging takes time, and lately all I’ve wanted to do was sleep. Thankfully, and a little adjusting of my body chemistry, I’m awake. I even do dishes and laundry now!

Recently I spoke with a nutritionist, after a trip to the doctors of course. I was told that I’m too pale, anemic, and having kidney/liver problems. So… a few days later, I’m working on this “whole foods” things. Going “organic”… lol. It seems more like a fad, but I think I will manage. Brandan doesn’t mind so much, since it means I put time and thought into the meals and we don’t go to prepare dinner and have no food in the pantry. One day I will be one of those super prepared people who plans out menus and what not, but for now I just buy the “organic” version of whatever I was buying before + more green food. We tried edemame (spelling?) tonight. I added it to my fried rice. So… it was soy bean, broccolli, corn fried rice. I don’t think I cooked the beans the right way (despite following the directions to a T…) so I will have to give it another shot. But Brandan was a good sport and told me it tasted good (I’m sure he would’ve preffered chicken to the soy beans, but in the middle of finals I can’t do the two meals thing… plus… I would probably want the chicken too and then my calorie count would be blown and then poof! I’d probably gain twelve pounds just for thinking about the delicious ice cream I got to consume thanks to the low-cal version of dinner we had. So… take that!).

School is almost over. I have three take home exams, and a filmed test on Tuesday. Tomorrow will be test day. Tuesday I am meeting up with my Botswana-friend to do another take-home exam, and then I am taking my filmed-test… and then I will be free to gallivant around my house in pajamas and a leopard print apron making bread a cookies! I got this… clay baking pot thing from Brandan’s mom for Christmas, so I am going to christen it by making bread in it. I have all of the ingredients, so now I just have to do it!

So… now I am going to go swiffer the kitchen because yesterday it snowed and Gretel tracked in mud. Despite the cuteness of her pay prints around my house, I don’t think Brandan likes it very much!

Picture Time:


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