I feel distant. Far away. I think about sending my friends messages on facebook, but I have nothing to say. My life feels so different now, as opposed to just 7 months ago. It’s kind of depressing. I have friends that I see all the time, but the people who I was close with before Ginny was born are all over the country, and I rarely have a peaceful moment at a decent hour to just pick up the phone and chat. When I do connect with them I feel totally off, like I’m thinking about my daughter’s ear infection and the mortgage application we submitted today, and they’re still talking about… well… things that seem insignificant in the grand scheme. Not that they are – I too had nothing better to think about than what I was going to do/eat/wear to class/dinner/a party.
Some times, maybe a few times a week, I lament about what being a young parent means. I envy some of the women in my Mommy group who waited well into their 30′s to have a baby. They finished college, several degrees even, had several serious relationships, and had careers. I finished college, pregnant, married to the (awesome) first guy I dated in college, and worked a short time while I was preggo. But then I remember that I’m healthy, these are the best years to be having children (biologically), that when my baby is 18 and going to college I will just be turning 40, with plenty of gusto and energy left in me. I don’t regret my choice to start my family in my early 20′s. The pro’s far out weigh the con’s, but recently I had been letting my mind wander down roads my body will never experience, and my mind is having a difficult time permanently letting them go.
The real point is that I miss my friends. And I’m a wee bit jealous.
But in the long run, I am happy. Ginny is growing beautifully. She has three teeth now, crawls like a champion, and sits on her own too!
Her hair is definitely turning blond, and those eyes are still blue. I took this picture on my phone – which is why it’s a bit blurry. Some times running to grab the camera can be too distracting, and a blurry picture is better than no picture at all!