Chapter 7: Expectations

This story is about my wedding night. It is safe for work.

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We were covered in glitter.

It had been a beautiful night, until the moment I was covered in glitter. The sinking in the pit of my stomach the moment I realized that my sisters had been unsuccessful in guarding my car still makes me feel sick. Pulling away from the chapel I could feel my cheeks burning red despite the rolled down windows. Brandan’s wedding night surprise felt ruined as we peeled out of the parking lot. That sound is stuck in my head, it was an accident since Brandan had very little experience with the manual transmission in my little car. We drove with silence between us, just the clang of the metal cans behind our car filling our ears.

“Pull over please.” My voice shaking as I tried to contain something between anger and crying.

We pulled into a nearby neighborhood and in my heels and get-away clothes I laid down under the back of my car and tried to cut the cans off with the edge of a key. It took five minutes, the Virginian August humidity still hanging heavy in the dark, the sweat just making the glitter stick and itch. Brandan moved to the passenger seat and I threw the cans in the back of the car. The knots where still on the back of my car when I sold it last year.

“I didn’t want this.” I didn’t really care about the cans, I was referring to the copious amounts of glitter that would forever be ingrained in my car.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

 “Now I’m just upset and I shouldn’t be upset right now.” My voice sobbing. I took a breath then threw the car in reverse, backing into a strangers driveway to reorient myself with the main road.

“I know, I’m sorry. Just breathe.”

And I did.

“Turn left.”

Brandan pulled out a piece of paper with directions to the hotel. He’d been teasing me with it for weeks. I didn’t know where we’d be going for our wedding night. It wasn’t like Brandan to surprise me, or keep things for long. But he had. I didn’t know where we were going, and he apparently did not either.

“Will you just tell me where we’re going now?”

He didn’t say anything until the next direction. “Just keep going through this light.”

“Why would Chrissy let them do that?” Even his surprise couldn’t distract me. “We have to drive to Tennessee tomorrow. We have to drive with the windows down. All of our stuff is going to be covered.” Forget our stuff – we looked like we’d come from a strip club. 

About five minutes later we pulled into the parking lot of a historic bed and breakfast in old town Fredericksburg. I looked over my shoulder at the hotel, the lobby dark as it was almost midnight now. I felt nonplussed. “I’m sorry I’m in a bad mood.”

“It’s not your fault, let’s just go in.”

The bells rang as we pulled the door open, but there was not a person to be seen. We carried our two bags and a cooler my maid of honor had sent along with snacks. Up three stories worth of stairs and down the blue carpeted hall we found our room on the right. Brandan pushed the door open and reached in to turn the light on. It was lovely. Antique bedroom furniture in the first room, a claw foot tub in the bathroom, and a second sitting room with similarly beautiful furniture. Brandan smiled, a little pride coming through. “I thought, ya know… since we’re both into going to historic places… I thought you would think this is cool.”. I nodded. “This is the Stonewall Jackson suite.” And sure enough, the walls were dotted with drawings of Stonewall Jackson.

Still covered in sweaty glitter we decided a shower was in order. A sign in scrolly font informed us that because the pipes were old it could take up to five minutes for the water to heat up.

In hopes of clearing my mind Brandan and I took separate rooms. Closing the door behind me, I opened my small bag on the couch, then turned to the vanity in the corner. My make-up was badly smudged; it looked like I’d applied a whole bottle of mascara then rubbed my eyes. My cheeks were still red, and my hair was frizzy, a halo of humidity-induced tendrils going every which way. 

What a mess. It shouldn’t be like this.

I spent the next few minutes cleaning the make-up off, not wanting to look like a banshee fresh out of the shower. Water-proof mascara is a fickle friend, but with that situation under control I could move to the next task at hand. I opened the door to the bathroom, took a deep breath of the hot steam, then knocked on the door to the bedroom. Brandan opened it, church slacks and a white t-shirt, glitter and blushed cheeks to match mine. I don’t remember what was said though, because seconds later the smoke alarm went off in our room

We hadn’t realized that it was the steam setting off the alarm (true story) so Brandan opened the door to the hallway. Within minutes the hall alarm was going off and other people were coming into the hallway. Brandan acted confused – though I’m sure it was not acting – while I pulled the small cooler from the corner of the room and grabbed my shoe. Standing on my tip-toes on top of a cooler, waving my white patent leather pump at the smoke alarm mounted at the top of the 15 foot ceiling, covered in glitter. This is not what I wanted.

 

The alarm shut up after a moment, the hall way emptied quickly, and my husband of less than 12 hours re-appeared. I showered alone, antique furniture is loud and non-conducive to wedding night activities, and sleep beckoned – knowing we had an 8+ hour drive ahead of us the next day.

Stonewall Jackson on his deathbed, Brandan being a goofball.

The next morning I signed the guestbook. “Sorry for the glitter, the Reeds.”

This night should’ve been many things. It should’ve been a beginning, a hallmark for the rest of our lives. But it wasn’t. If anything I want to forget it and pretend that we left for a week long honeymoon on an island. Instead we drove to Tennessee so I could start school two days later.

I’m still mad about the glitter, and his family still thinks it’s funny.

But it taught me an important lesson: it doesn’t matter.

None of it. Easily one of the worst nights of my life and it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because it didn’t mean anything. I get to choose what has meaning in my life. I was already married – the end of the night didn’t change that fact. I have a husband who loves me and can forgive me for behaving so selfishly in my anger. I can write it off as a lost, a funny story to tell, and truth be told I ruined the night as much as the glitter did by letting it bother me. My sweet husband – the only thing that matters from that day – has inadvertently turned me into a far less self centered person. It’s a nice feeling.

I feel so grown up.

For the record: there was still glitter in the civic when I sold it.

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In my house I have this piece of artwork I made when Ginny was a newborn.

 

I have everything I need and more…

 

I walk past it a million times a day, but today I saw it.

I need to remember this now, more than ever.

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Health Stuff

I don’t have cancer in my bones! In honor of that announcement, this song has been in my brain as I waited on those results.

<Tiësto feat. Tegan & Sara – Feel It In My Bones>

For clarity: I have Stage 3 Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma. I have a bunch of tumors just under my diaphragm, and one in my chest under my right clavicle as well as preliminary involvement in several different sets of lymph nodes in my chest. Doesn’t matter, having chemo any way. Chemo doesn’t pick and choose what to kill.

My side effects are currently minimal. I’m tired, I’ve had a few headaches, a few weird pains, lots of heart burn, but…honestly… it’s no worse than being pregnant (I had a pretty easy pregnancy).

Tuesday was my bad day. I woke up with a headache, nausea, and back pain that lasted all day. Then it was gone. I don’t have a lot to complain about.

We did a Chemo class this week, and got to consult with an oncology nurse. She said that symptoms tend to stay the same, but they get worse with each cycle. So thus far my cycle is: normal, normal, slightly uncomfortable, uncomfortable, bad day, uncomfortable, normal, normal, normal…. all things considered I literally have nothing to complain about.

Today I did lots of normal things. It was beautiful.

I’m still going to lose my hair. I’m okay with that.

So overall, I’m good. I feel loved. Our fundraiser is moving along and the stress associated with the cost of cancer is going down, little by little. After weeks of stressful waiting that felt like torture, it’s nice to sweep the floors, do the dishes then go shopping for large quantities of toilet paper. Life. Plain, old life.

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times and seasons

I’ve been listening to a lot of Christmas music lately. Yes – I realize it’s not even Thanksgiving yet. The thing is, it’s kind of my motivational music right now. Like an enforced crunch time. Like listening to fast paced music when you run. Well… when I’m working on Christmas presents I like to listen to Christmas music. It gets me in the mood and reminds me why I am re-threading my bobbin for the hundredth time today.

Turns out an entire dust rabbit was hiding in there. I’m also out of that canned air spray stuff. Naturally. I also tightened the tension down there and magically everything worked perfectly! Magic!

I also had to pull out my label maker. It’s probably my favorite little tool. I use it… often. In any case – I typically have to pull the book out to remember what the little symbols all stand for. I definitely had this problem with my serger… that’s a different story though. It is also labelled now.

Win!

So while I fought the good fight with my sewing machine, I planned out some nice holiday-inspired activities for my sweet husband and Ginny. First there was finger painting…

That lasted for a while. We don’t pull those paints out very often. She was excited and disgusted at the same time. She kept wanting to wash her hands. Silly girl.

After painting her and B-man whipped up a batch of cookies. Yes. It was adorable.

And I finally got to do some sewing.

I’m actually really super excited about the gifts I’m making for the ladies on my husband’s side of the family. I don’t know if any of them follow my blog, so I can’t post pictures of the finished objects yet, but I am giddy. 🙂

It was so holiday-esque on Sunday that I actually considered getting and Christmas tree before Thanksgiving. That didn’t happen. But it almost did.

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sleep when the baby sleeps (07/11)

New moms are often told to sleep when the baby sleeps. Honestly – it’s great yet impractical advice. I was lucky though. At the time B-man worked from home exclusively so I had help 24/7. It meant that I really could sleep when the baby slept, because my sweet husband made up for everything I wasn’t doing. So whenever Ginny would fall asleep… it was very likely that I would fall asleep too – nursing always made me tired.

So tiny. I can still feel her little 7 pound body against me. I miss being able to hold her like this. Her tiny butt makes it look like I have HUGE man hands!

This never happened on purpose, and I know some people would say I spoiled her by letting her sleep on me – but to those people I say “poo poo!”. I love that she spent the first several months of her life right next to me. Now that my non-snuggly baby can move around I feel deprived!

In this picture she is swaddled, and I’m actually mostly sitting up. And that’s the flowery pillow I’ve been sleeping with since I replaced my childhood stuffed animal with it… in high school.

A shout-out to B-man… I’m thankful he captured these moments for me. I love that I have so many pictures of me and Ginny (these are just a few among them). I don’t have many pictures of myself with my mother, so it was one of my priorities. Thankfully my husband took the job and captured a bunch of sweet moments.

And now the mish-mash of leftover July 2011 pictures:

These little pajamas were my favorite. They had a little elephant on them and the footsies were so precious. I liked them so much I actually bought them in every size. *for shame!*

 

Ginny meeting her cousins for the first time. The little boy there is just a year older than her, and we got together to celebrate his birthday. She spent a majority of the time sleeping, or nursing, or sleeping.

Pissed off baby. This is actually the hiccup face. That poor chicky had hiccups almost 90% of the time.

Obviously this was so long ago that I don’t remember the story behind the screams, but this kiddo was super good at being pissed off. For the record: she still is.

After her first ride home we had to make a mad dash to target to get a smaller neck support. Also note that my 1-2 week old baby has a clip in her hair. Because she had SO MUCH HAIR!

First family lunch date. lol. We went to Chili’s because I was sick of eating hot dogs and simple stuff. Ginny slept the whole time… so you could say she was really well behaved.

Sleep.

More sleep.

Squished up sleeping.

 

When she had thrush she couldn’t nurse well and wouldn’t take the pacified, but sucking on my finger seemed to calm her. So I tucked her into my shirt (that’s a thing, right?) and just snuggled her. 🙂

And this last picture is kind of precious to me. B-man was sitting on the couch while I nursed Ginny and he looked over and said “You look so pretty.” I laughed – I was exhausted and felt pretty crappy. He said “No wait, I’ll show you!”. So he snapped this picture and showed it to me. I don’t think it’s a particularly flattering picture, but it means a lot to me because it means he sees more in me that I see in myself. He loves me even when I’m a bit rough and worn out. It should also be noted that I covered up for this picture. I didn’t usually use a cover in my own home.

 

And so I’ve caught up the first… two weeks… of my daughter’s life. Only 2 years to go! I’m going to try and mix it up a little more, but I had these posts all planned out, and my camera is being difficult so I have yet to coax it into giving me my more recent pictures that I wanted to blog.

 

 

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Blacksburg

I didn’t go to Virginia Tech but I do love going there. B-man and I started dating the summer before his senior year at Tech and I spent that year driving through the mountains to visit him every chance I got. Of course those drives were half Tennessee, half Virginia, the drive through the Shenandoah Valley is just as beautiful (from northern Virginia to south western Virginia).

For B-man’s birthday I picked up a pair of tickets for the VT v. Duke football game. He is really into football, and I find it kind of unique. Though he loves his own team in particular he really is a fan of the sport – watching how the conferences function and even cross-conference interactions. I don’t have the mental capacity to care that much about something so abstract and removed… but I spend every Tuesday knitting – that’s to say, we each do what we like.

 

Any who – football tickets. It seemed like a grand plan to me. Surprised him with football tickets, leave Ginny with her Aunt & Uncle, then drive to Blacksburg for a day of fun. We left Friday after B-man was done with work, and drove the 15 minutes to his brother’s house. They are so good with Ginny. This was the third time we’ve left her over night with them, but the first time we’ve gone out of town (we usually just go back home and sleep for 24 hours!). The game was scheduled for noon on Saturday, and we intended on driving home after the game.

On our way down I got an e-mail saying the game time had been moved from noon to 3:30. It didn’t seem like a big deal but ended up being a bane.

As much as I love fall, and would’ve loved to make this trip during the day, it was dark by the time we got into the mountains. This means I have no gorgeous pictures of fall colored mountains. None the less, it was a nice drive. There is something reminiscent about making that drive with just my hubby. We got to the hotel around 11 pm, and checked in. I hadn’t realized how small the room would be, but for the two of us it was perfect (would’ve been a little torturous with Ginny though).

 

 

The picture makes it took bigger than it was. Side note: we took one bag, that was barely full. So proud of our light packing skills, but after the fact I’d wished I’d remembered to grab a hair brush and a real bra instead of the sports bra I’d worn for the car ride. lol

So at 8 am, with just under 8 hours of sleep, we packed up our one bag, and drove to campus. We knew that if we got there early enough we could park at the LDS church building on campus for free. So… we got to campus at 9 am and had six hours to kill.

wamp wamp. It was also really cold, and since it hasn’t gotten that cold where we live I conveniently forgot that Virginia Tech is in the mountains and neither of us was really dressed appropriately for this trip. This picture below is us at the war memorial above the drill field – which is the center of campus really. To the right of the field are most of the classroom buildings. In this picture the tree above B-man’s head is where the memorial to the shooting victims is. The building is just out side of the picture. To the left is where most of the on-campus housing is.

If I had realized that we could’ve waited to park until 2 something (when there were still empty spots in the lot) we would’ve gone to breakfast, maybe hit up a store in Christiansburg for some toddler VT gear… but as it stood we didn’t know that was an option. So we parked, walked around, then realized no place was open for breakfast. We went to the on campus book store and picked up a few t-shirts and a hat for B-man (most of his old ones are faded now any way), and then at 11 we finally got to eat!

B-man requested that we eat at Mike’s. It’s a pizza and burger joint right off of campus – but B says the best thing there are the calzones.

 

After calzones (I had pepperoni and Italian sausage in mine!) we headed off for a walk on campus. As we were walking down we saw the Highty-Tighties lining up to march, so we followed them around campus for a bit.

 

After a while they headed off towards the stadium, but we still have 3 hours before the game started. We headed back towards the car, but not before stopping by B-man’s last dorm.

About five years ago he and I took this picture outside of his dorm room…

Then we found ourselves walking along the same path, and we paused to take an updated version. 🙂

 

Some friend and family on facebook said they weren’t sure which was the old version and which was the newer one! lol. I can definitely see the difference, especially in B-man.

 

Once we got back to the car we did a walk around the parking lots to see all the tailgaters. We were invited to join a rowdy group of students but it made me feel incredibly old so we didn’t stop. Once we’d worn out our feet we still had two more hours to wait. Since we hadn’t intended on being on the road so late we headed back to the car where I took a power nap while B-man played on his 3DS. Yes… we’re a little boring.

Once game time was a little closer we headed to the stadium. I enjoy going to live sporting events. It’s very different from watching them on TV, and it’s especially fun if you let yourself get into it and do some of the silly things the fans do. We had pretty good seats. Near the 50 yard line and far up enough to see the whole field and the jumbo-tron.

Even though the Hokies lost, we still had a pretty good time. It was nice to go back and visit, beautiful scenery, and I know B-man enjoys going back… even if it makes us feel old and his team loses.

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B-man’s Birthday

In 2009, just a month after we had gotten married, we celebrated B-man’s 23 birthday. Weird… it seems so long ago, and yet.. not.

 

That lovely bearded man is my husband. That lovely handmade wrapping paper is covering the iPod I got for him.

Well… this year… he’s 27… and there weren’t any physical gifts to unwrap. I’ve given so many video games and electronics over the last few years. I don’t mind – it is what he likes and that is the purpose of a gift. But it’s also nice to give things that aren’t so material. So this year I gave him two things. My time (and Ginny’s)… and football tickets.

 

I shared pictures of Ginny and I working on his cake. We did that on his actual birthday – but Tuesdays are crazy in this house, so we postponed our celebrating until a later point.

Before cake though: let us eat! B-man and I were both born in Germany, and we both attended high school in Germany, and we both have a certain affinity for all things German. Luckily German food is delicious and while I find it easy, it is a bit time consuming. I served schnitzel, paprika cabbage, a green salad and home made speatzle (noodles). I pulled out the table clothe and some candle sticks (B gave me those flowers a week ago). Special occasions call for special decorations.

 

 

If I had really been on top of things I would’ve cleaned up the dining room. But… I wasn’t. Instead Ginny and I visited the Marine Museum for a nice autumn walk. Somethings gotta give though, so we ate in the kitchen – but it was fancy.

 

The birthday boy hammered the schnitzel to make sure they were super thin – and he said they came out very authentic. Yum! Ignore those boxes, focus on the romantic special candles!

 

 

The cake was a simple yellow cake recipe from my favorite cook book, butter-cream frosting with a little bit of blueberry juice, and fresh berries to decorate. Those berries were a last minute addition but they were delicious and definitely took the simple cake up a level. (27?!?!?)

 

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The cake was Daddy and Ginny approved (she was so proud of herself for getting it all on her fork – goof ball!).

Happy birthday to my sweet husband. I’m lucky to get to celebrate each year with you – just wish those years would slow down a little!

 

 

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A peek of Maine

We’ve been visiting Maine for the last week. We arrived Wednesday at about 4 am, as the sun was rising.

That first day was a blur, Ginny didn’t want to sleep, since it was daylight outside, despite the lack of sleep she stayed up all day and made every one miserable. lol. Sleep has definitely been the biggest challenege of this trip, as the room doesn’t have curtains, so Ginny rises with the sun… at 5 am.  We visited several different places, but for now I’ll just share a few pictures.

 

 

A panorama of the view from the house at sunset.

B-man and I at Mackworth Island. He skipped rocks into the water while Ginny tried to copy him.

 

Ginny getting some energy out at Portland Headlight, in South Portland.

And one last sunset.

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government island

I am constantly inspired by Cécy, over at Chroniquest des Appalachas. She and her husband seem to go hiking all the time! She often posts pictures of their adventures into the woods and up mountains. It makes me so jealous! I ask my husband often why we did not take advantage of hiking in the Appalachian Mountains when we lived in Knoxville.  We lived literally a stones throw away! It is with regret for the past, and inspiration from Cécy that we are making an effort to enjoy the hiking trails near our apartment!

my two favorite people!

Regardless, I recently mentioned my desires for Ginny to grow up with a love of the outdoors, and we are constantly working on that. Some times she just wants to get out of the house and I will take her on a walk in the stroller around our apartment complex or on a short jaunt to the grocery store.

But Saturday, oh… Saturday was beautiful. It was a beautiful 66 degrees outside, and so B-man and I packed up the stroller, and headed over to Government Island.

You can see the map of the walk around the island.

It is a rather short walk across a boardwalk to an island with a nice short hike. we strapped Ginny into the front-pack carrier, and got moving.

There were a TON of people there. I have gone walking there before with just me and Ginny, and I saw only 3-4 other people. Today there were people EVERYWHERE! But that’s ok, because it was still an enjoyable hike! Nature is so relaxing… at least, that’s what Ginny was thinking:

I am so thankful that we got out and enjoyed nature, and the beautiful weather! And, just for you viewing pleasure (and mine!), a sleeping baby:

Also – I made that hat for Ginny while I was pregnant with her. It’s one she can grow in to, and will probably fit her well into childhood!

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This is real life.

My room is covered in laundry. Completely, totally covered. Clean. Dirty. Somewhere in between. All types of clothing welcome apparently.

My house is a wreck.

Ginny doesn’t believe in napping any more, so instead of during productive things during her 20 minute nap I do things to keep myself sane and alive… like eat. Or take the dogs out.

Some times, especially at night, I get really frustrated that Ginny won’t sleep. She just cries, and often I cry too. Then I give up on trying  to coax her back to sleep in her crib and I lift her one handed into my bed and snuggle in with her soft sucking noises as I fall back asleep.

I kind of don’t want my dogs any more. I love them. Trust me, I really do. But they are driving me crazy. Gretel (our older, bigger dog) has taken to barking in the morning, just because she wants to be in the room with me. If her barking doesn’t make me give in, she takes to pushing on the baby gate, and then moving the *creaky* door back and forth. Creeeeeeeeak. Creeeeeeak.

Crazy.

I think Ginny likes her port-a-crib better than her real crib.

Anitra and I went and walked around IKEA today. I bought some straws, a plush ball for Ginny, and some food items. B-man loves those Swedish Meatballs, so I told him we could have them for dinner tomorrow.

Tonight we had polenta and pumpkin soup.

Recently blogging has not been my number one priority. I am always reminding myself that Ginny’s cry means “I need you.” and that there will come a time when she says that less, and less, until she thinks she doesn’t need me. So instead of being incredibly annoyed I jump up and take it as my calling in life. Currently – it is. I’ve thrown my whole being into becoming a great mom, but it has required me to cut back on other things… like showering and blogging. lol. I’m trying to enjoying being so in demand though.

 

I cried today. I looked at my little baby girl and she was standing on my lap talking up a storm and reaching for my face. I am often over whelmed by how quickly she changes, but today I just let myself go, and cried. My baby is growing up, and there is  nothing I can do to keep her little.

 

I say this all of the time to B-man, but I thought I would share: I am so excited for Ginny. I am so thankful for a husband who goes to work every day and provides for us – so I can stay home, and Ginny will have so many opportunities that I didn’t really have. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy knowing that if she says “I wanna learn ballet” – we can do that! T-ball? Sure! Day at the museum? Those are free up in DC – let’s go!

so… yah… I’m sad that she’s not tiny any more, but I am excited for her to get bigger.

 

I watched a show about birth on the Discovery Channel last night and I cried when the babies were born.

 

I didn’t cry when Ginny was born. But I was kind of out of it. Apparently I’m making up for all of the lack-of-crying now.

 

 

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Quarter of a Century

B-man turned 25 at the end of October. We had originally planned the party for the weekend before his birthday, but because of some misunderstanding I had to cancel it and move the party to the weekend after his birthday. As it turns out, that made it easier to plan for his party, because B-man was gone to Kansas for a work trip so I had the house, and the Jeep, to myself!

I wanted to go for an old-school video game theme, ya know… things from when he was younger. So I pulled a little inspiration from Pacman, a little from Zelda, and a little bit from Mario. I coordinated with my sister-in-law to have the party at her house, and the stage was set.

I spent the entire week that he was gone baking and organizing! The night before the party I had B-man’s brother call and invite him to go geocaching. So BIL picked up B-man at 11 am, after which I was off to BIL’s house to decorate and prep everything. All of our family and a couple of friends came to the house, and when BIL pulled up in front of his house, B-man sure was surprised! I had managed to keep this surprise a secret for over a month, which is quite the feat for some one like me!

"Happy Birthday B-man!"

When he entered the house not only was he greeted by 20 of our friends and family, but he was also greeted by this:

Ginny as Link

Yup, I dressed my daughter up as a boy for halloween. I made this Link costume myself, the day before the party. She’s got her shield, and is chewing on her sword.

He was also greeted by this table full of video game treats and kid-era foods!

Why yes, those are Triforce sugar cookes!

Zelda: Triforce

And no, your eyes don’t decieve you, those are Pacman chocolate covered oreos!

Each one has an individual SPINKLE as an eye.

I also made a Minecraft inspired cake:

It’s supposed to be a water fall, those rice kirspies are sand blocks, then the dirt and water…. pretty self explanatory. lol.

Then, the pièce de résistance. I give you: Cake Pops.

Why yes… those are little cake pops that look like those mushroom things from Mario games.

And yes, these things took over 6 hours to make, and no I will not be making them again any time soon! Thank goodness I had a good friend to help me out with all of the baking/decorating/everything.

I also made some very cute and creative decorations… but I didn’t take any pictures of them. I was kind of  space cadet and was busy being excited about actually surprising my hubby!

It was a nice party. I was finally able to give him the new sound system for our computer, and Portal 2 (both things he’s been asking for, for some time now).

And THIS is why I have been absent for over a week.

Happy Birthday B-man!!!!

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happy monday

This morning we drove all the way to the airport… just for B-man to be denied boarding because he was 5 minutes past the cut off time. We left with plenty of time, but then there was an accident on the (ONE LANE!) road leading out to the airport, so we took a detour which… was moving but longer… so I don’t know which would’ve been faster. Regardless, it sucks. So we are driving the 70 minutes BACK to the airport this afternoon… giving ourselves 2 hours to make the drive.

I am going to be roughing it alone this week. I have never had to go more than 10 hours on my own with Ginny, and now I’m going to do several days in a row. I’m hoping to implement some kind of schedule, she has been fighting sleep like the dickens lately, and it is really starting to ware on me!

That’s all. I’m still working on my DITL post, during the short naps. Keep me in your prayers as I try out this single parent thing. Here’s hoping I don’t go crazy!

 

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Big News!

So I mentioned that I have some big exciting news. While it sadly does not involve moving Central New York, it does involve moving. Now I realize I have already mentioned that we are moving because we are going to buy a house(!!!!) but the reason we are going to buy a house is because B-man is getting a new job!

This should be great news and make me really happy, especially considering the amount of money involved, but I have been experiencing sporatic panic attacks followed by crying and large amounts of stress.

In case you didn’t realize this, B-man currently works from home. every.day. It is incredibly convenient and amazing. When we accepted this job the large $ number distracted me, and I completely forgot that it would mean no morelong lazy mornings with my hubby, and giving up the incredible flexbility that has allowed him to attend every single one of my pregnancy appointments and all of Ginny’s doctor appointments too.

I realize that I am a “stay at home Mom” but really we are currently stay at home parents because B-man is always willing to take a short break to change a diaper and take Ginny when I’m at my whits end. He even makes me lunch when he is making his own. I’m really not sure how I am going to get anything done with out him here.

I know it can be done. I just don’t want to do it.

So this new job is rather bitter-sweet. A huge change in our lives. B-man will be driving about 45 minutes away for work both ways, but thankfully the raise he is getting will allow us to buy a house closer to his new office.

I always forget how bad I am at handling change. I kind of feel like my way of like is about to be ripped out from under me. I am excited about the prospect of buying a house, but a large part of me wishes we were’t doing this. In my mind I would rather live off of the smaller salary for the rest of my life if it meant I could have B-man at home with me everyday.

I’ve been a wee bit spoiled for the last 2 years.

So just be warned. I am very happy about the changes coming in the next few months, but I am also ridiculously scared and stressed about it too. Prepare for the sea of craziness that my life is about to become (and pray for me too!).

***

Aaaaaaaand I’m in the mood to share some pictures.

I tried to do one of those “Day in the Life” posts… but after taking pictures of half of my day I realized how boring my life is and decided that I would not subject you to the lame-ness. Here is one picture I got though!

Ginny is wearing a diaper cover and hat knitted by my friend Anitra. She is so creative and crafty – and some how has the motivation to actually get things done! She made both of these in less than a week! Throw in that she is like 7.5 months preggo and has two little kids at home and she makes me look like a turtle walking backwards!

And then this picture is from today:

Don’t worry, I have never left her in the bumbo on a raised surface.

Bumbo seats have been recalled, yet again, so we are borrowing this one until they come back out again.

It’s crazy how much Ginny has changed in just a matter of weeks! Over the last two weeks she has gotten very good at standing (with just my fingers for support), she lifts her shoulder up off of the group during tummy time, and she enjoys sitting in the bumbo seat for a while. She has a big head, so after a few minutes she is over the bumbo, but it’ll get better as her muscle get stronger.
Not only is she physically growing, but she is so smart! I am now able to talk her out of crying. She loves little songs, but especially “Mary had a little lamb”… not sure why she likes that one. My favorite one is “Wheels on the Bus.” I sing it to her every day, despite her lack of enthusiasm for it.
It just occurred to me yesterday that at this point in her life, she has still spent the majority of it in my womb! Some times it is hard for me to believe that this is the little thing that was constantly kicking me and keeping me up at night with her hiccoughs!
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re-realization of the day

As my husband and I drove to our church labor day picnic we were talking about the future and eventually buying a house. I said to him:

“Okay honey, say “I’m buying a house.” and then tell me the feelings that you feel.”

It was in this moment I re-realized what a great man I married, because not only did he not laugh at me for my poorly constructed sentence where I used “feel” twice, but he actually answered the question.

There are some days were we are totally off and we snapping at each other and grumpy from not sleeping and glaring at each other because we can’t say anything over the baby crying.

Then there are days were he reminds me why I married him, and why we have been best friends for so long.

He get’s me, and loves me enough to put up with my silly demands to express feelings at random.

 

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brain dump

  • Boobs are really weird things. I’ve kind of always thought this, but now more so than ever. lol.
  • I had a root canal. It cost several hundred dollars. Several, severals – actually.
  • I went to a children’s consignment sale today and bought a bunch of cute clothes for Ginny. Well… my Mom bought them (possibly because I mentioned in passing about my root canal bill, and she wanted to treat me. Either way, I’m so greatful for my Mama!). But she and I picked them out. I think I got 6 “outfits”. Three fancy dresses, one jumper, one shirt/leggings set, one set of adorable pants, and a rainbow sweater. Most of these things are 6 months size, so they don’t fit her yet, but then will! All of them are Gymboree, Baby Gap and Crazy 8. I’m actually going to post about them later, with pictures, because I got a great deal! Gotta love a good deal!
  • Baby girl is growing so much. Ginny is definitely more “baby” now, as opposed to squishy newborn. She:
    -almost has control of her arms, and can sleep (for a short time) with out being swaddled
    SMILES!!! Mostly just at me, but B-man has seen her smile too. For a while he probably thought I was crazy because every time I would get her smiling I would call him into the room, and then she would start crying. lol.
  • I have figured out the “Mom-Game“. That’s kind of how this whole thing feels to me. It’s a constant dance, trying to predict what is going to go wrong before it does so. I’ve even gotten to where I can tell when she’s thinking about trying to pee. lol. I think she is going to potty train early, because she really hates peeing. She has never sat in a wet diaper for more than a minute, but that minute is the worst minute of her life (if you could ask her!). And it’s not because of a rash or anything.
  • Not all babies are snuggly. Ginny lets me know when she is hungry and when she wants a binkie (some times she really just wants the binkie!), she tells me when she needs to burp, pee, poop, fart, and when she is tired. But she also tells me when she just wants to be set down. I spent a good amount of time checking diapers, offering food, binkies, and burping her. Finally I just set her down in exasperation… and she stopped crying. lol. Often she would rather lay in her crib/baby gym/swing, than be held and snuggled. Sometimes this makes me really sad, but I have to remember that she is already her own person and she knows what she wants!
  • I have a Mobi, but with the warm weather it is not very practical for going out on walks, so we got one of those regular baby carriers, and we are going to go on a walk when B-man finishes work and test it out. Hopefully my independent baby won’t mind it so much!
  • Finding time to work out is kind of hard. My hips are feeling better, but now my toe is hurting. I still can’t put closed toe shoes on with out severe pain, so it’s going to be a while before I can do anything more than walk (which I can do in flip flops!).
  • I think it’s weird that I am old enough to be married and have a baby, but I still can’t rent a car. lol.
It’s is a new week, and I am on top of my game!
(except that I'm super sleep and want to go
 to bed but instead I am going to do laundry,
 go for a while, shower, make dinner and 
love on my baby. I never knew I could be 
so productive!)
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Happy Anniversary!

Monday was our 2 year wedding anniversary! It’s crazy how quickly 2 years has flown by, and how much our lives have changed!

We kind of spread out our celebration over the weekend. Last Friday we went to lunch as a family – Ginny kindly slept through it! Then we dropped Ginny off at my parents’ house, and B-man and I went back to our apartment. We did some cleaning, some snuggling… and some other things. lol.

On Saturday I went grocery shopping, and when I came back I asked B-man to go down and help carry up the groceries. When he returned, he was carrying this:

I had bought it for B-man last week, and kept it hidden at a friend’s house until Saturday. He came up stairs with a great smile! It’s a new TV for our bedroom. We had been using his old TV from high school in our bedroom, and it was too small and made this high pitched whiny noise and it was just time!

Yesterday we kept it low key, dinner at home, and some snuggling while watching netflix.

But trust me… I’m making bigger plans for next year!

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after thoughts

Some after thoughts:

  • I don’t know if this was true for everyone, but pushing her out was the least painful part of the day. I would’ve preferred to do that for 18 (ish) hours than the contractions.
  • During the birth and right after my husband stayed by my side the entire time. In other birth stories I’ve read the Dad flits back and forth between baby and Mom. He was more aware of what was going on with Ginny, but stayed with me. I’m so thankful for this. I guess I’m just needy, but having his full attention and support was really what I needed. He told me later that he was more worried about me, because there were plenty of people there to take care of Ginny, but only a few people there just for me.
  • I had one small, superficial tear. Nothing serious, and I didn’t even need stitches. After Ginny was born this was really the only thing I could think about. I kept asking “Did I tear???” I think I was worried that I would take a lot of time to recover… and I really didn’t want stitches!
  • Labor and birth feel like a distant memory already. I guess that is the body’s way of tricking people into having more kids, lol. But seriously, a day or two after the birth I could barely remember what the pain was like.
  • And just in case you’re wondering, I am madly in love with little Ginny now, it just took some time. 🙂
  • I’ve read several posts, specifically the ones by Mandy of OMG… I’m a Mom, and That Wife, that left me slightly terrified about the post-partum recovery. But this is where I am thankful that not every pregnancy is the same! Just as I managed to miss the majority of those common, uncomfortable pregnancy symptoms, I really didn’t have many problems after Ginny was born. I had two days of “heavy” bleeding (like a normal period for me), and then I have been using regular, thin, panty liners since then.
  • I am going to write about breastfeeding. I have yet to read a blog post that adequately prepared me for what breastfeeding is like. So look forward to that!
In other news… Ginny and I are both doing really well, it’s B-man that people need to be worried about. I guess I have never seen my husband experience sleep deprivation or extreme fatigue – but now I have. I am now the chill, easy going person in this relationship, while B-man is suffering from a short temper and stress. Hopefully this will remedy itself in due time… like when Ginny starts sleeping more. In the mean time I am just thankful for all of the experience I have with babies and sleep deprivation (which makes this a lot easier for me), and I’m remembering all of the times he has put up with me being a crazy person. Honestly, B-man has been the biggest surprise in this life changing experience!
Here’s hoping we get back to sleeping more than 2 hours at a time!
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