I won't grow up… I don't wanna go to school…

I feel like I’m being forced to grow up, and it is too much for me. some days i just want to crawl back in bed and hide from the sun, pretend like it never came out, and that it is night. Today I found out that a dear friend of mine tested positive for HIV. I never dreamed that some one so close to me could be affected by this, and it makes me worry that more of my friends are in the same boat, but not willing to talk about it. Along with that, I also found at that a friend from my graduating class has cancer and is going through chemo.

These people are both the same age as me, and they are being faced with the sudden reality that we are not as invincible as previously believed. No one should have to deal with this at 18. Or 19 or 20 or ever. Why do horrible things like this exist.

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Sick as a Panda

I haven’t been this sick in a while. Last night was the worst night ever. I went to bed at like 10, but woke up every hour or so because i was coughing. I had taken some Mucinex DM, but it just isn’t doing the job for me… so at 4 AM I got up, took some dayquil, and then went back to bed. I’m thinking about investing in some niquil just to make my life easier.

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where did my life go?

Life is freaking crazy. Today’s agenda:

-Write English paper rough draft due monday…4-5 pages
-Write ASL review of activities: 6 page minimum
-Do math homework…for 5 sections in the book… that’s like a million and TWO problems.

plus I could probably do some reading for my psychology class, watch my 30 minute video for ASL, and catch up on the reading for my philosophy class… but that would all be horribly ambitious. Oh well.

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I'm invisible.

I’m too busy right now to write anything. lol. I’m on my way out to go to a party, but… eventually I will get around to writing again… now i understand why my friends that left for college last year became invisible people that didn’t get online to chat or post any more. 😛

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Madness I tell you… shere madness

finished my first day of classes… that was hellish.

I have buckled down. I am actually doing the assigned reading, and trying to do a bit extra so that when I eventually “fall behind” I will actually be exactly where I am supposed to be. My enlgish class is called “Inquiry into Madness” and it is very interesting, and the teacher is hilarious. We are reading “One flew over the Cuckoo’s nest, and some people in the class had already read it, and I hadn’t, so I made this ambitious desicion to read the book, before she starts assigning reading, so that it’s easier to understand the second time through. I have a problem with reading. I just don’t like it. But this book is pretty interesting, so it shall be interesting.

I also had psychology today, which was a huge auditorium style class, and I wasn’t expecting it to be so big (and neither was the teacher) but it’ll be fine as long as I sit in the front.

I also had my math class today and the only thing good to report is that I met a really cute guy. He’s not gay (as far as I can tell) and he’s older than me. We got in these groups to do the stupid word problems from the book (speaking of which… I must go look at the book because it’s not my thing…) and like, the teacher would assign a problem to the group, and this guy would have it figured out before any of us could think about it. Which, in all honesty sucks for me, because I need to be able to think things through.

I also had Choir today, which was awesome and amazing and all of those wonderful words. I love it.

Then after that I went to the Institute building and signed up for three classes. I am also going to be volunteering at the Tennessee School for the Deaf. I had a nice conversation with a man that works at the school, and he gave me some names and numbers of people to contact about volunteering there, so we shall see how things work out.

Other then that Institute was nice tonight, and then I went to the library, read a BUNCH, and now I am going to get in the shower and go to bed. Tomorrow I will wake up around 8:30, go to the gym, do some homework and then go to my one class of the day.

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30 minutes until “Christmas” and I didn’t get my mom’s present finished… well, I didn’t get her SECOND present finished. I got her a piece of… well, she collects these figurines, and I got her one of them, but it was so impersonal. So… today we took family pictures, and I have this frame form target to put like… 5 different pictures in the frame, and I cleaned the entire downstairs (which in all actuality is a REAL accomplishment…). But any who. I am kind of ready for the commercialized holiday that we celebrate to be over. GAH. Not that I’m a grinch… trust me, i love christmas as much as the next guy…. but I am too tired to explain my feelings right now, so I am going to bed…


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I see you doing lots of homework….

Your schedule for SPRING 2007 is:

Acad Disc Title Course Number Instruction Mode Time Days Instructor Credit Level Credit Hours
MATH Mathematical Reasoning 113 LECTURE 03:40P-04:55P TR TURNER, MATTHEW D. U 3
MUSC ENSBL Concert Choir
(By Audition Only)
PHILOSOPHY Contemporary Moral Issues 242 LECTURE 05:05P-06:20P TR RIKER, WALTER J. U 3
PSYCHOLOGY General Psychology 110 LECTURE 09:05A-09:55A MWF SAUDARGAS, RICHARD A. U 3

Woot woot.

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Dear Dallas

I’m not really sure what to say to you. I know we kind of ended the summer on a bad note…more, I ended the summer on a bad note, and I don’t know if you over analyze things like I do, but I’ve done a lot of “growing up” this year. I wanted to talk to you about when I randomly called you, but you were with your family, and I couldn’t. You really had been on my mind that day, and I’m not sure if I told you why. Lol, it was actually very amusing. This guy was talking about some road-kill story, and I guess it had the same affect as the kamikaze bunny…or what ever it was, I don’t even remember, but he was like “Jessica, are you all right? You kind of look funny…” and I wanted to attempt to tell him about you nearly running over that thing, but I figured it wouldn’t of been funny to them. Oh well.

I hate thinking. I really do. I mean, I gah. lol. When it comes to you, I never have the right words to explain what I am trying to say, but I’ve realized that it’s been awhile since I tried talking to you, and that I have come to a realization. you were my one and only. you were my shining star. my light in the darkness, your eyes still make me weak, your touch still makes me blush, your voice still takes my breath away, the thought of you makes me smile. but they always will… you were my first love. they say you never really fall out of love with your first love. i believe it. i just had to tell you myself. i’ve finally moved on. i’ve finally let myself. i’ll never forget you or how you made me feel. i’m a better person because of you. for the longest time I’ve been saying that I regretted what we did, and ever being “involved” with any one, but the truth is, I don’t, it just hurt too much to admit that not only had I loved being in love, but that it was over and gone a long time ago, and probably my fault.

I guess you could say I’ve matured a little, and I hope that we can at least be acquaintances, keep in touch, be friends. I know you kind of wanted this before, but then well, Thanksgiving and the summer pretty much left me in a big puddle of confusion. But it doesn’t matter now. Can we start over? Just friends. Please.


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I have a big bed

webstergurl06 (3:01:03 AM): do you still live with a parent?
Him (3:01:08 AM): yeah
webstergurl06 (3:01:12 AM): hehe
webstergurl06 (3:01:15 AM): lol
Him (3:01:19 AM): but you can stay in my room
Him (3:01:32 AM): i have a big bed

webstergurl06 (3:01:35 AM): woot!
webstergurl06 (3:01:36 AM): lol
webstergurl06 (3:01:44 AM): if I come down, I’m probably going to stay at Michelle’s
Him (3:01:50 AM): oh ok
Him (3:02:08 AM): dang got my hopes up then crushed them

webstergurl06 (3:02:11 AM): haha
webstergurl06 (3:02:17 AM): we’ll see what we can work out

eh… was that an attempt to get in my pants that I completely BLEW UP! hahaha….it didn’t even occur to me that he was coming onto me until…well…he’d left. haha. oh well.

hahahahaha… good times.

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Time to sing.

As the “ker-plink” of hail hit the window of my dorm room, I get about for AIM messages of “OHMIGOODNESS…it’s snowing.” to which I am required to reply…”Honey…snow doesn’t sound like that.” lol. Looking outside it is like a snow/hail bit. It’s a mix.

Tonight: Finish one page. Double spaced. Size 12. This may not seem like a challenge, and it shouldn’t be. But I’ve already spit out 4 and a half on this topic, and I’m kind of out of things to say. AH!

Friday: YSA Christmas Party, Princess Party/Girl’s night

Saturday: Study for math exam, go ice skating?

Sunday: Church, visit w/ Heather and Jenn, Church Christmas production

Monday: Study more for Math Exam, Caroling Gig

Tuesday: Math Exam

Wednesday: Study for Sociology Exam

Thursday: Sociology Exam, Caroling gig, ice skating/ family home evening

Friday: Drive home

Saturday: Sleep

And then life will be good. This next week could not possibly go by any faster. I am now going to go and finish this paper, and then go to bed! But, before I do that, let me enlighten every one to what has be doing the happy dance:


and that is all. Good night.

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Paulo, oh Paulo, where for art thou…

I feel like i hardly post to my journal any more, and when I do it’s because I feel like I haven’t., GAH. lol.

I know I haven’t really written about the drama in my life, partly because it’s easier to pretend it’s not there and just ignore it, and partly because I’m been too busy writing my English Papers to even consider spending extra time on typing in my journal. So, what prompted this random “POSTPOSTPOST!” happiness? Earlier in the month I posted a “wish-list” sort of thing on the holiday_wishes community that had been spotlighted, and today I got a card from a random girl, and she sent me a blank postcard as well!!! YEAH!

I miss Paul. I miss Paul in the “I-feel-like-my-life-is-falling-apart-be

cause-I-am-so-freaking-lonely-and-we-hardly-ever- talk-any-more-and-I-don’t-ever-want-to-lose-you-because-you’re-the-best-friend-in-the-world-
and-life-would-suck-with-out-you” sort of way. and thus, I send him postcards. So when I got a random postcard from the middle of nowhere GA it makes me very happy. lol.

Also, I have decided that I will not be driving home until this Friday.

I think I’m falling for some one who is so off-limits it’s not even funny.

I have an english paper to go and write. Shoot.

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"Y" do you torment me…

Comment and I’ll give you a letter; then you have to list 10 things you love that begin with that letter. After, post this in your journal, and give out some letters of your own

whoa_slowmotion gave me the letter Y:

  1. Yummy chocolate cake from the UT bakery
  2. Yall: as in…my friends. (I’m trying to be creative as Y isn’t exactly an easy letter.
  3. Yesterdays: my memories and my life.
  4. Yacking on the phone with my friends
  5. YSA: Young Single Adults program in the area…a lot of fun and great people
  6. Yawning (not only is in an odd word, but an odd thing)
  7. Yuletide festivities
  8. y as in…the unknown quantity that we are always searching for in stupid math classes (y = mx +b)
  9. yelling at football games
  10. yearnings for SLEEP

That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. GAH!

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Where have you been all my life… firefox!

I absolutely adore this whole firefox thing.

I just downloaded the Christmas theme, and it’s SO cute. I love it. I am totally addicted to these stupid themes, but in my defense, I deleted three themes before I downloaded a new one. YEAH!!

Hope every one had a good Thanksgiving. I sure did, and I will be going home again in like…2 weeks and a day.

CHRISSY: Let me know what’s going on, and I will try to stop by if you’re still around. I am going to be able to leave here on the 12th of December…so yeah for me! lol. I’ll come sleep on your couch and cook you breakfast. lol. Give me a call.

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