A Clandestine Example of my Craziness.

Disclaimer: If you like snowglobes, don’t take offense to my opinions. Also, this is an impecible example of how selfish I can be. I’m not usually so ridiculous. B-man brings out the best, and the worst in me some times. So while I am embarrassed about this, the story is ummm… worth you all knowing what a terrible person I can be.


Yesterday was our first wedding anniversary. I’m not sure how people usually celebrate these kinds of things. We don’t have much by way of experience, so we just kind of …winged it. Almost too late we decided we should exchange gifts. Too late to buy anything on the internet, we decided to make a trip to the mall. I already knew what I wanted to get the B-man, so we set our time limit (an hour), our price limit ($100), and our meeting place (in front of Dillards). We had both managed to leave our phones at home – so we couldn’t just call to meet up. It’s okay though. I headed into Dillards, and he went the opposite direction.

An hour later we ran into each other. I had my gift, a card, and a pretty box to put it in.

He had nothing.

So we set up another meeting time, and I told him where the Hallmark store was so he could pick out a card.

30 minutes later, we met up again… still no present for me. At this point I decided I would follow him around. Of course, I didn’t want to be sneaky… so I just walked right next to him. We went to the Potterybarn.

“This was the only place that I could find what I wanted to get you.” He explained. I walked around the store, quizzically looking at everything. There was no jewelry in this store! Bah! How could he be buying my anniversary gift at a home goods store?!?!?!? I was a little bit distraught. Then he said…

“It’s frustrating because I could find what I want to get you at any Target or Wal*mart, but not here.” At this point I was pissed. They don’t sell fine jewelry or anything fancy at Target, or Wal*mart. What the heck was he thinking? Were my hints not clear enough? Had I not made it perfectly clear that I wanted something sparkly? Truth be told… he didn’t even remember me telling him what I wanted. I’m still learning to not expect anything said within an hour of bed-time to stick. It just slips away into dream land.

So at this point I am thoroughly upset, and I’m having a hard time masking it. Then we walked past “Things Remembered.” Ya know, that little knick-knack store were you can get anything engraved. As we walked past I pointed it out, and he declared that, perhaps, they had what he was looking for. I left him to peruse and I walked over to Kay’s jewler. I got my rings cleaned. And then tried on something sparkly. Why couldn’t he just get me this? About 15 minutes later I decided I would go take a peak, and see if he was still perusing, or if he was almost done. As I peaked around the corner, I saw him standing at the register. I didn’t look again. I would hate to ruin the surprise. Which is a lie. I hate surprises, but I was trying to be nice. I stood behind the gaudy snow globe display, my head down, thinking about what a wreck this idea had turned into. I happened a glance in the direction of my husband, and to my horror and disdain the clerk behind the counter was holding… a snow globe. What?! I had never told B-man about my disdain for snow globes, ridiculous winter-themed items that people keep out all year long. Where was I going to put it? There is not room in my house! It was a big one too… pink… shiny… glittery. I hate glitter. And snow globes. This was a wreck. I looked away quickly, back to the snowglobes in front of me. Bah! I wasn’t going to be able to be nice. I felt it inside of me… that little monster who some times comes out when I get very selfish.

B-man returned to me “Did you look?” I responded no, coldly. He informed me that it wouldn’t be ready immediatly, so we would have to come back tomorrow. Great. I’m going to have to try and be happy for a whole day. Gah!

Back to the story. He told me it would be ready in an hour, but that we could just get it tomorrow. I told him we could go to Target and walk around, and then just go back and pick it up. I was almost seething. My sentances were short. How could he THINK I would want a snow globe? A pink glittery snow-globe. My husband had lost his mind! As we walked around target, I saw a giant, old-fashioned style alarm clock. Giant, with bells on top of it. B-man has been having a hard time getting up in the morning. Our phones are kind of whimpy in the alarm department. So I picked it up .

“Happy Anniversary” I mumbled, shoving it towards him. I didn’t look at him, and just kept walking down the aisles.

“Is this my gift?” He asked.

“Yeah, is it disappointing?” I asked. I could’ve handed him anything from that store, and the situation wouldn’t have seemed any different to me. I was handing him a random item, and calling it a gift. One that he was going to pay for. I was being mean. He just stood there. I kept walking. As I heard his footsteps approaching me, he said

“I’ll just tell you what I got you. There are two themes for anniversaries. Traditional and Modern. I wanted to get you something from both. So for the modern one I got you a clock, at the mall… to represent the time we’ve spent together, and the time we will spend together in the future…”

I froze. He thought I had handed him the clock, telling him what a disappointing gift it was, because I was mad that he got me a clock.

Then I laughed.

The poor man. He married a crazy.

He asked me if I had seen it at the store. I swore that I hadn’t. But he thought I had, which was why I was handing him the clock.

I managed through my relieved laughter that I had seen the clerk holding up a snow globe, and understanding flashed across his face.

Crisis averted, monster Jessica put into her place, I heaved a sigh of relief.

“I didn’t know that you don’t like snow globes…” B-man informed me. I guess it’s not something I talk about a lot.

There are two morals to this story.

  1. Never buy my a snow globe
  2. My husband is smarter than I give him credit for.

We finished up at Target, and then went back to the mall to pick up his gift for me. We then went home, wrapped up the gifts, and then gave them to each other at mid-night. I think B-man was worried that if he made me wait until the next day Jessica-monster would come out again. Smart man.

After his explanation of the two themes (the traditional one being paper for the first anniversary, and the modern being the clock), I decided to join the fun.

I gave him this box. And inside this box was:

A card…

Something for his paper…

And something for his time…

The first one was a new wallet (for his papers), since he’s still carrying the first wallet he ever got, and the second one, for his time was…

A video game. I know it seems weird as an anniversary gift, but my husband thought it was the perfect gift, and he was genuinely excited about it. Which made me feel a little better about myself. lol. The wallet won’t hold everything he likes to carry around, so we got a different one at Target, and I’ll have to return the first one.

Then I got to open my present, which included a beautiful engraved clock…

And a journal, with a sweet first entry by my husband. I love empty journals. So much potential. :)

And then I felt like an idiot for the way I had behaved.

After gifts we went to sleep, and the next day we went to Bravo! for lunch. We’ve never been, but it was delicious and I would definitely recommend it.

I got the cheese ravioloi with alfredo, tomatoe and pine-nut pesto sauce.

And yes… it was delicious.

Happy Anniversary B-man. Thanks for marrying me even though I can be a crazy person. I love you to the moon, around a few times, and back… forever. Which really isn’t long enough if you ask me.

Sorry. Thank you. I love you.

7 Comments to “A Clandestine Example of my Craziness.”

  1. I love this story! Definitely an anniversary to remember ;) And, your selfish ways sound eerily similar to mine. Thank goodness we have patient and loving husbands!

  2. I feel like I do the exact same types of things! Oh, it’s so stressful being a crazy person.

  3. You know what? This was great. Funny, suspenseful, heartfelt. Well done – and happy anniversary! Sounds like you found yourself a keeper.

  4. This was just like a movie. I loved it!! It seems that our husbands know us more than we realize….I love that!! It’s a helpful reminder of how much we are loved.

  5. Hey just found your blog through OMG Mom. Happy Anniversary! I too love empty journals, I love the idea of them brimming with thoughts and ideas, sadness & joy and re-reading them at another time and seeing points I had to grow and learn.

  6. I miss Bravo. We had two in NOLA…and it was good. Your anniversary sounds memorable that’s for sure. Just remember you’re not the only crazy girl out there. I can’t even BEGIN to tell you the crazy crap I’ve done or said to my hubby. Happy 1 year anniversary. Love your new clock!

  7. I love it! You should write a book. Great narrative technique. … and I should know, I have a Bachelor’s degree in English. I’m looking at it right now!

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