I started blogging in high school. Way back when LiveJournal was the premier place to post what kind of animal you are or what your birthday means.
Oddly, I spend a lot of time contemplating this silly little spot on the internet. I wish I could write more, I wish I had more to write about. I wish I did more so that I had more to write about.
I’d like to spend my days doing the little things. Sewing my daughter’s clothes, making my own yogurt, knitting, painting the rooms in my house, reading, and heck – blogging! But these are the little things that come second. The other things in my life… well… they are mundane. Before my Nanny passed away I wrote her a letter, much like I did every month. I told her about my day. It felt so weird, knowing my Aunt was reading it to her on her deathbed. I told her that I was thinking about buying a new bike because I need to get out of the house more., that I had made pork chops for dinner the night before – they were dry. I mentioned that I had moved the piano across the room and put a new desk where the piano used to be, and set up pictures of her so that Ginny can see them every time she climbs up onto the bench. Mundane. But it felt good. I’d imagine when you’re dying and every one is sad it’s nice to have a sense of normalcy. That’s what I tried to give her. Normalcy.
I’d like to go backwards. I took so many pictures when Ginny was a little bit. I think I might – maybe do a month in recap for each of her first months. Perhaps that would help me be more concise in my efforts to make a “year book” for her. She’s going on 2.5 years now and I still haven’t gotten it done!
Of course, at the end of the day is my disclaimer: I did what was best. I love that Ginny spent her first year of life in my arms. Sure – I could’ve been blogging or making a year book or something else more “fun” from my to-do list, but I try to remember that it wasn’t just giving up something, but that I gained serious, quality time with my little family. I don’t regret that.
When we got home from the store this evening Ginny ran up and down the sidewalk jumping all over the place. She reached her little arms up shouting “The moon! The moon! Oh! I can’t reach it!”. It was precious. I try to close my eyes and take a mental image when she does these things. A little video in my mind to think of when she’s sleeping. Because oddly – despite the craziness of the day – I miss her at night. I wish she was still the tiny infant that slept in my arms. But there it is again, giving up the snuggles for the intelligent little munchkin. I love it.