A quiet moment…

It is currently 5:15, I have been working and going to classes since 9 am, when I got to campus, realized I was missing my parking pass, and then raced back home to get it, park again, and arrive at class 15 minutes late. So much for being early. My days just seem to fly by. I sit down at the computer and the last thing I want to do is try and string sentences together in some kind of meaningful way.

But right now, at 5:15 – it is quiet where I am. And honestly… it is the perfect moment. I just ate a muffin that, despite being delicious, is something I will never eat again after looking up the number of calories in it. I’m not usually one to focus on calories, but since the cupcakes I made this weekend were less calories than this muffin… well. You can do your own math.

B-man got home on Friday. Being apart is really bad for us. I don’t know what it is, but distance really doesn’t make my heart grow fonder, instead I grow begruding. Annoyed. Mad. Ya know, all of those negative things. I was very happy to see him when I picked up at the airport… and I hugged him… but his arms were full so he didn’t hug back. Then I complained. We went to dinner, and he talked about his trip the whole time. That was fine. Food was delicious. But then… something funny happened. I was really annoyed with him. And it just kept getting worse. We fought over the dishes, and I got mad because he wanted to go to bed early and then I said I wanted to buy an iPod cause mine is broken and he said that we should wait…it went on. The list just gets longer. And I let my inner 5 year old out. Freaking crazy. And then, Sunday morning he said something… who knows what, but it definitely didn’t deserve my reaction. I said something terribly mean. He got up from the bed and left. I got dressed and went out to the car. He followed… and we drove to the store. I just needed to get out of that house. To get my head cleaned out. I don’t know what was wrong with me. Too much stress? Probably. But we were both being nasty to each other.

Then magically… it was over. Strange, how things that seem so huge and impossible just turn into wisps of wind floating along. I know, seems kind of silly. But it’s true.

I added up all of the hours I spend on my internship, classes, and homework… and I am above 40 hours. Which is why I am such a crazy person! I’ve never had to do so much work. The majority of my life has felt like a part time job. Lots of school and home work, or maybe a part time job, but I always got 8 hours of sleep and plenty of down time. Now I’m lucky to squeeze in 5, and still get all of my homework done. There is one class where I am just struggling to stay on top of everything. The teacher isn’t very organized, nor clear on what is expected. On top of all this I have obligations to my husband, ya know… to be a decent person and what not, and I also tutor an international student who is a good friend of mine.

Friends, I am pooped. P-O-O-P-E-D. Sometimes I find myself stealing 20 minutes of sleep, or nodding off when I’m supposed to be paying attention. I am actually, for the first time in my entire life, doing homework. I can’t put it off to the night before when I have classes until 9 pm the night before, and then I have to go home and be productive.

There are some benifits of course… I am going to the gym, not something I used to do – but now I feel like…. if I don’t my brain might explode. I am cleaning. What? You do that on a regular basis? Well… I don’t. My sweet kind husband does a lot of house work right now. But since I am feeling so productive and go-go-go I get home, and just keep going.

Down falls? If something doesn’t get put into my calender, I forget it. Like last weekend a friend of mine was having a Girl’s night. I know she texted me about it, but I didn’t put it in my calender… and I missed it. I so would’ve loved to have gone. I feel like such a loser. Honestly – I am a completely crazy person right now, and my life has never been so calender-dictated. We’re going to go out to lunch this Friday to make up for my blunder but I just feel so bad. Booo….

Another downfall? I have extreme guilt issues, which means I feel bad saying no to anything, which means I end up committing to everything.  Saturday I just freaked out. My husband was the one who had been traveling and gone all week, but I was the one have the mental break down.

BUT, I have found something I love. Up until this point in my life, weekends were just two more days of the week. Now, I literally live for the weekend, and I find it difficult to commit to anything that requires me to get up before 11. Sad? Maybe. But I completely understand the term “Working for the weekend.” I really don’t want to do anything but sit on the couch all day. Unfortunatly I have to squeeze some of my homework in there.

Okay. So. That is an update of my crazy life right now. I work from 9 – 9 Monday throughThursday, and from 10 – 2 on Fridays. There are some short breaks in there, but not enough of a break to get anything useful done.

So, tell me – have you ever been super stressed over a packed schedule? How did you deal? What did you do to realx. I’m looking for suggestions – because heaven knows I need to take a chill pill.

Continue the fun!

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8 Comments

  1. I totally understand and can relate to this post. When I first started going back to school and taking 2-3 classes online plus working 40+ hours a week at my real job and trying to be a good wife, life was insane! It still as as I continue to battle with getting my BA. My hubby finally made me realize I had to take care of myself and if I wanted to get my degree then I had to make concessions…like not overcommitting and if I need a Saturday to veg out and do homework and never leave my pjs then thats ok too. I have to admit, we were totally honest with our friends and told them during the school semester I will be out of touch except for large events like an annual KY Derby party or Christmas event. Luckily our friends are awesome and understand. And, perhaps your hubby and mine can commiserate with each other because when I'm stressed, I definitely turn into a grumpy lady. Hubs calls me a whiney baby. Also, hubs travels for work quite often like leave Monday and doesn't return until Thursday and it SUCKS! Distance doesn't work for us either…not to mention I feel all the pressure on me to do my normal routine but also be the sole provider for our dogs. I always tell him when we get pregnant and have kiddos either he can't travel or I can't work because I just can't handle it all. And when he's gone I don't sleep well so that adds to the grumpiness.

    Ok, I wrote a novel, but just letting you know I totally relate!! Sending your hugs and prayers that things calm down soon!

    1. I love novels! I always write long comments too. That's what they're for! lol.

      Thankfully my husband doesn't travel a TON, but we did a full year of long-distance before we got married. So you would think we would be better at that. Meh. And I feel the same way about the extra chores. We have two dogs, and normally hubby takes them out during the day since he works at home, but last week I was having to work in breaks to get back home to take them out. It was… crazy! I'm trying to do more to help now, and not take him for granted though. But he seems to have more time than me. How does that happen?

  2. I haven't yet…

    I'm looking into going back to school at the beginning of next year (hopefully if I can make the registering deadlines!). But I'm looking at keeping as much as a full time job as I can, aka work mornings, because financially we need me to; and then do classes in the evening. Just thinking about it I know it will be stressful and that I won't be seeing my husband much.

    As far as B-man, well, I think sometimes that as people we have high expectations of how things should go when we've been appart. I've been dispointed before with how things went after not seeing my husband for a while. Nothing like the movied with people greeting each other at the airport. I was going to say go for a run or do something to de stress but you already go to the gym… so.

    Talk to girlfriends and such before hand so you can make yourself more available to listen to him maybe?

    1. Life is not like the movies?!?!?!?! AAAAAAAAAAAH! MY WORLD IS FALLING APART!!!!! But you're right, I really do have high expectations of what I expect, and I should be more realistic… but it's haaaard. lol.

  3. Keep your weekends! I've been a full time college student while running a business full time (more than full time some weeks), and I only get one day off every month to six weeks. It's not healthy, it doesn't make anything easier, and it's tough to get out of.

    My best advice (aside from saving a day to relax and not have to commit to anything outside of homework once a week) is to make time for yourself every day. Read a book for half an hour, give yourself some guilt-free tv time, a relaxing bath/shower, spend time with hubby. Hang in there! It's all going to be worth it!

    1. Hmmm… weekends. I took your advice, and the B-man and I sat down to watch some TV – and I completely put all school/work related items out of my mind. 🙂 Perhaps the hardest part of relaxing is just giving yourself permission to!

  4. I totally relate to this post in so many ways. I have the worst time saying no, too–though I think I'm getting better. I think recognizing that in yourself is half the battle, right? And I tend to get annoyed in general at people I spend less time with. You'd think it would be the opposite, but I guess maybe a closer bond leads to greater understanding. Or something. Ha.

    Loved this post!

    1. Thanks! I didn't realize how long it was. Guess I just needed a good rambling session.

      I've known for a very long time that I have a hard time saying no. I see it in my mother, who is constantly over committed, and I know I am just like her. I just don't know where there is to do about it. Some things I just can't say no too, and if I were less busy with these first things… the second group of things wouldn't seem like such a big deal. But I'm trying to squish everything into my day… and it just won't fit!

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