It is currently 5:15, I have been working and going to classes since 9 am, when I got to campus, realized I was missing my parking pass, and then raced back home to get it, park again, and arrive at class 15 minutes late. So much for being early. My days just seem to fly by. I sit down at the computer and the last thing I want to do is try and string sentences together in some kind of meaningful way.
But right now, at 5:15 – it is quiet where I am. And honestly… it is the perfect moment. I just ate a muffin that, despite being delicious, is something I will never eat again after looking up the number of calories in it. I’m not usually one to focus on calories, but since the cupcakes I made this weekend were less calories than this muffin… well. You can do your own math.
B-man got home on Friday. Being apart is really bad for us. I don’t know what it is, but distance really doesn’t make my heart grow fonder, instead I grow begruding. Annoyed. Mad. Ya know, all of those negative things. I was very happy to see him when I picked up at the airport… and I hugged him… but his arms were full so he didn’t hug back. Then I complained. We went to dinner, and he talked about his trip the whole time. That was fine. Food was delicious. But then… something funny happened. I was really annoyed with him. And it just kept getting worse. We fought over the dishes, and I got mad because he wanted to go to bed early and then I said I wanted to buy an iPod cause mine is broken and he said that we should wait…it went on. The list just gets longer. And I let my inner 5 year old out. Freaking crazy. And then, Sunday morning he said something… who knows what, but it definitely didn’t deserve my reaction. I said something terribly mean. He got up from the bed and left. I got dressed and went out to the car. He followed… and we drove to the store. I just needed to get out of that house. To get my head cleaned out. I don’t know what was wrong with me. Too much stress? Probably. But we were both being nasty to each other.
Then magically… it was over. Strange, how things that seem so huge and impossible just turn into wisps of wind floating along. I know, seems kind of silly. But it’s true.
I added up all of the hours I spend on my internship, classes, and homework… and I am above 40 hours. Which is why I am such a crazy person! I’ve never had to do so much work. The majority of my life has felt like a part time job. Lots of school and home work, or maybe a part time job, but I always got 8 hours of sleep and plenty of down time. Now I’m lucky to squeeze in 5, and still get all of my homework done. There is one class where I am just struggling to stay on top of everything. The teacher isn’t very organized, nor clear on what is expected. On top of all this I have obligations to my husband, ya know… to be a decent person and what not, and I also tutor an international student who is a good friend of mine.
Friends, I am pooped. P-O-O-P-E-D. Sometimes I find myself stealing 20 minutes of sleep, or nodding off when I’m supposed to be paying attention. I am actually, for the first time in my entire life, doing homework. I can’t put it off to the night before when I have classes until 9 pm the night before, and then I have to go home and be productive.
There are some benifits of course… I am going to the gym, not something I used to do – but now I feel like…. if I don’t my brain might explode. I am cleaning. What? You do that on a regular basis? Well… I don’t. My sweet kind husband does a lot of house work right now. But since I am feeling so productive and go-go-go I get home, and just keep going.
Down falls? If something doesn’t get put into my calender, I forget it. Like last weekend a friend of mine was having a Girl’s night. I know she texted me about it, but I didn’t put it in my calender… and I missed it. I so would’ve loved to have gone. I feel like such a loser. Honestly – I am a completely crazy person right now, and my life has never been so calender-dictated. We’re going to go out to lunch this Friday to make up for my blunder but I just feel so bad. Booo….
Another downfall? I have extreme guilt issues, which means I feel bad saying no to anything, which means I end up committing to everything. Saturday I just freaked out. My husband was the one who had been traveling and gone all week, but I was the one have the mental break down.
BUT, I have found something I love. Up until this point in my life, weekends were just two more days of the week. Now, I literally live for the weekend, and I find it difficult to commit to anything that requires me to get up before 11. Sad? Maybe. But I completely understand the term “Working for the weekend.” I really don’t want to do anything but sit on the couch all day. Unfortunatly I have to squeeze some of my homework in there.
Okay. So. That is an update of my crazy life right now. I work from 9 – 9 Monday throughThursday, and from 10 – 2 on Fridays. There are some short breaks in there, but not enough of a break to get anything useful done.
So, tell me – have you ever been super stressed over a packed schedule? How did you deal? What did you do to realx. I’m looking for suggestions – because heaven knows I need to take a chill pill.